QueenofRandom

For a very long time people’s opinion of me was my driving force. Everything I said or did revolved around how people would react. If I said what I really felt would they think I was stupid? If I admitted that I’ve never seen nor have interest to see any of The Godfather movies would they think less of me? If I shared that I often get swept away to another place and time when I listen to classical music would they think I was weird? Would they laugh if I told them that I’ve created an alter ego for myself and written dozen of stories of her amazing adventures? How would the treat me if they found out how geeky I actually am?

I had no idea how people would respond so I kept my true self hidden and became who I thought people would like. I started watching what everyone else liked. I started listening to what everyone else listened to. Their opinions became my opinions. Different groups of people knew different versions of me.

My goal became to fit in, but I didn’t. The more I tried to become the person I thought would fit in, the less I fit in. So I just stopped trying. There’s no point in pretending to be someone I’m not. I have to spend 24/7 with me, I might as well be myself. I got reacquainted with myself and you know what? I like me. I like who I am. I like being a dorky, smart ass, geek girl who takes little crap. I like being different. I like listening to music that others don’t like or have little idea who or what it is. I like learning new words on a daily basis. I like being the Christian who’s not like the others. I’ve accepted who I am and no longer gives a rip what anyone else thinks. Do I want people to like me? Of course! Who wouldn’t? Will I go out of my way trying to be someone who I think they will like? Hell to the no! Not anymore!